Bumper Stickers  

"Hard work pays off in the long run--- Laziness pays off now."  "Lottery --- A tax on people who are bad at math." "Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity."  "If this is tourist season --- Why can't we shoot them?" "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"  "Ever stop to think --- And forget to start again?"  "I like you --- But I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles."  "Change is inevitable --- Except from a vending machine."  "The gene pool could use a little chlorine." "Confusion not only reigns --- It pours."  "Madness takes its toll --- Please have exact change."  "I took an IQ test --- The results were negative." "Hang up and Drive!" "Faster than a speeding ticket!" "Forget about world peace.  Contemplate using your turn signal." "It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere." "Dyslexics of the world --- Untie!!!"  "If at first you do succeed --- Try not to look astonished."  "Help Wanted: Telepath --- You know where to apply."  "Cover me --- I'm changing lanes."  "It's lonely at the top --- But you eat better."  "Warning --- Dates in calendar are closer than they appear." "Time is the best teacher --- Unfortunately it kills all its students!"  "Make it idiot proof --- And someone will make a better idiot."  "He who laughs last --- Thinks slowest."  "We are Microsoft --- Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated."  "Always remember you're unique --- Just like everyone else." "Friends help you move --- Real friends help you move bodies."  "Diplomacy --- The art of saying 'Nice doggie!' until you can find a rock." "As long as there are tests --- There will be prayer in public schools."  "Procrastination --- I'll deal with it sooner or later."  "I.R.S. --- We've got what it takes to take what you've got."  "Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."  "If we aren't supposed to eat animals --- Why are they made of meat?"  "Out of my mind --- Back in five minutes."  "Laugh alone --- And the world thinks you're an idiot."  "Sometimes I wake up grumpy --- Other times I let her sleep."  "Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."  "Death to all fanatics!"  "Jesus is coming --- Everyone look busy."  "Bartender --- A pharmacist with a limited inventory."  "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."  "It's as bad as you think --- and they are out to get you."  "When you do a good deed, get a receipt --- In case heaven is like the IRS."  "When there's a will --- I want to be in it!"  "Okay --- Who stopped payment on my reality check?"  "Give me ambiguity --- Or give me something else."  "Puritanism --- The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."  "Consciousness --- That annoying time between naps."  "Be nice to your kids --- They'll choose your nursing home."  "3 kinds of people --- Those who can count and those who can't."  On the back of a loaded horse trailer:  "Don't be what you see!"  "I don't suffer from insanity --- I enjoy every minute of it."  "Few women admit their age --- Few men act theirs."  "I used to have a handle on life --- Then it broke."  "Stop reading this --- Watch where you're driving!"